Wearing a shirt, clinging to my soldier.

Posts tagged ‘funny facebook statuses’

Old Facebook Statuses

Today’s forecast: Slightly Stupid with a 40% chance of Gay. There’s a drama front coming in from the south bringing Emo storms on Tuesday..

accio brain!

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. On the SAT, you feel like you’re playing Russian Roulette and only one is a blank!

Sometimes, I wish I had all the money I pumped into Galaga when I was growing up. I could buy a car..

Sims 3: Das Führer expansion pack! I don’t think they will accept it..

I solemly swear that I am up to no good. (All the cool people in Harry Potter die…).

We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Today, I was bummed because I had to take a vocab quiz in english and I hadn’t studied. All of a sudden, the fire alarm went off. We had to evacuate the building. Apparently my chemistry teacher set a gummy bear on fire. We never took the quiz. MLIA..

“I’m a disfigured serial killer who lives in a deadly maze five stories underground. People expect me to smell like death and decay and fresh blood! Not…” He examined the label closely. “…A delightful blend of juicy pears and ripe forest berries!”.

I can put up with a lot, but I draw the line at dressing in pastels..

Today, I was listening to a ring tone named “Another Stupid Guy is Calling” and my boyfriend called at that very moment. I started laughing and couldn’t stop..

Im 17 years old and currently am too busy to be on facebook? WHY? I’m playing with my new Stormtrooper action figure and his box of GUNS!.

Somewhere, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is scratching his head saying, “Well, thats never happened before..” ((Referring to Avada Kedavra turning Cedric into a sparkly vampire.)).

The atmosphere was taking on a slightly melancholy tint when Ginny, grinning wryly, said, “Gee, Harry. First you show off your Patronus to Remus, then James. Why not buy it a red light so, the next time you want to let somebody ogle it, at least you’ll get paid.”.

Why is it that when two planes almost collide its a near miss? IT’S A NEAR HIT! A collission is a near miss! “*boom* Look, they nearly missed.” “Yes, But not quite!”.

There really is a recording company called “My Diet Starts Tomorrow Inc.”.

I have to get ready. I have to get ready for work. I have to get ready for nearly buring myself and getting killed by flying cups. I have to get ready. Just one more chip and I’ll be ready. Just one more drink and then I’ll be ready. Ok, maybe another drink and then I’ll be ready. Well, a facebook status won’t take long so I’ll do that and then I’ll be ready..

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a… MOUSE!!! *jumps on top of chair and tries to kill mouse with a broom* DIE VARMIT, DIE!!!!.

have Become a Fan of almost EVERYTHING since I joined Facebook. Anyone else seem cursed with that? You see something and you’re like “OOOH! ME TOO!” *press button*.

My prediction for 2010 is very simple. I predict that if I work hard and save up all of my money, I will be able to afford that new toaster I have always wanted…….I just hope it comes with instructions on how to make toast..

AHHHHH!!!!!! COLLEGE!!! (SAT, FAFSA, WHICH SCHOOL!?!, GRANTS, STRESS GALORE)… Conclusion? Can I just crawl in a hole and thrive there for a year or two until this all becomes simpler?.

soup dont taste good on a round trip…..

“WOW THAT’S BLIGHT!” “Blight?” “Bright and light. Blight. *Chuckle*”.

EVERY TIME I DO MY MAKEUP NICE! I cry and I ruin it. Story of my life!.

“Qui-Gon would’ve asked her out. Anakin would’ve asked her out. Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan would’ve stayed home and KNITTED!”.

An earthy creative individual, easy to talk to, compassionate- however overly nice at times, to hide real feelings. Commonly has an abnormally close guy friend and is known for making bad decisions with guys… who frequently turn out to have some odd sexual preference. She also has NO gaydar. She also tends to date guys/girls with rhyming names..

Enough about hitting the ground running, when the reality is more kids crash into the concrete and break more than a few bones. And by the time it heals, the damage is done..

Jace Gorel JUST MADE MY FRIGGIN DAY!!!!.

OMG! I AM NOW THE CHAMPION!!! YES!! SAVE! SAVE! SAVE!.

One and two and STEP BALL CHANGE!!! SHOULDER SHOULDER!!! What am I singing again? Oh yeah, duh?.

One minute the sky is nice and then it sprinkles. So I’m like “ok. Hood. Cool.” then there’s this downpour and I’m like “ahh! Shleter!!!” and run for the porch. Then the bus comes. So I get drenched anyways..

WHAT!? We can’t ‘Become a Fan’ anymore? WE HAVE TO LIKE IT?!? LAAAAAMMMMEEE!!!!.

I’m pushing down the freeway when I heard your name. I wanted to do a 360, but was caught in the lane. So here I am, cruising along, searching for an exit while driving farther away from you..

Despite all that has happened these last few days, I will make everything perfect tonight. Even if I have to be dancing with myself..

I am not getting out of this bed. It’s warm and it loves me..

I invite her back to my apartment, or as I call it, the “Death Star.” I’m still working on it, it’s not completely operational. -Dane Cook.

Everything in this room is eatable, even *I’m* eatable! But that is called “cannibalism,” my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).

Titanic; oh look! Full on Silat. How dud age Dee there. (what is going on!?! I woke up and this was in my status box).

When I call your name, please say ‘here’, and we’ll assume the word ‘here’ to be short for ‘here I am, rock you like a hurricane.’.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, “You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.” As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless your a table..

Love shouldn’t be standing there, politely knocking until you answer. It should just kick the door down and scream in your face “I’M HERE!!!”.

“I hang out with tall blonds all the time.” “So do I. But I don’t have to pay for it.” haha. Oh the random text convos we have..

“There was a little girl who just walked in!” -Dad “That was the wife!!!” -Mom I love my parents. ^.^.

Two lessons I know but refuse to accept; have no regrets for what you really want to do, and you are the best and no one can dare to take that away..

Me: There’s no grass in the cemetery. Kelsey Michelle Williams: Nope. Me: I couldn’t be buried in a cemetery without grass. I would kill myself..

I trust that we are all good christian people. *cough* Inappropriate! ((i love dunamis)).

Finding food at IWU: its a survival thing..

ihateitwhenican’tpickastatus….

“That was a cat noise. I must respond with an elephant noise. *silence* I can’t make elephant noises…” Matt Scott.

Down the rabbit hole again, eh Alice?.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I’m supposed to be. The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep..

“normally people go to Hawaii to stare at their insignificate others… I mean significant others!” -Matthew Scott.

Some songs define a moment… Some define your life..

Princess Peach had to be high all the time. She was the princess of a mushroom world..

That’s why we never win against Russia! They’re wearing white and we’re wearing GREEN!!! -MJS.

“My girlfriend is younger than me, yet older than my mother… Waitaminute!!” -Matt.

The Weasly twins whip thier wands out for everything. XD.

“I am going to make you repeat it until you believe it.”.

How many licks does it take to get to the moon?.

“Hi, I’m Wayne. I’m a gun enthusiast. *gayly* Bang BAAAAaaang!”.

Jace Gorel: So guess what happened at the gym? Me: You banged some hot chick in the attic? Jace Gorel: No… Where did that come from? Me: I’ll tell you that story later. Jace Gorel: OK!.

Just wasted a good half hour exploring jacey’s hometown and then went through 18 steps all the way to Texas…. For a pet resort. >..<.

"Hey Robert, is this how you spell charmeleon?" "Yeah…" "How do you spell it like the animal?" "You mean CHAMELEON?!?" "*blush* oooh…." "How old are you again?" "…18…." Robert W.M and I..

A while back I was on a flight where the pilot announced, "There will be no smoking or complaining on board this flight. If you wish to either smoke or complain we will kindly advise you to step out onto the wing where you will become our in flight entertainment, Gone With the Wind." My sister and I were the only two laughing. MLIA.

You are the moonlight of my life every night, giving all my love to you. My beating heart belongs to you. I walked for miles til I found you. I'm here to honor you. If I lose everything in the fire, I'm sending all my love to you..

Doesn't know whats worse. That I'm looking for an ugly sweater at goodwill or that the people working there have a section for them..

To those "lovers" of Valentines day, here's a thought. St. Valentine was martyred on February 14th. Why? Because he married Christian couples and it was against the Roman Emperor, Claudius's strict Catholic beliefs (He was also persecuting the Christians). For trying to convert Claudius, St. Valentine was clubbed, stoned and then beheaded. Still feel like giving out candy conversation hearts?.

Confession: I just made Mac and Cheese for the first time and my mom yelled at me for throwing a piece at the wall to see if it was done. I think that's how you know you've spent too much time with your boyfriend when you pick up his (awesome) talent. ((Love you Matthew))

While everyone here at home freezes their asses off, Matt would like to remind us all he is some where that is around 70 degrees and sunny… Guess who's receiving a "reality snowball" when he comes home? :D.

So it snowed so much today my car became part OF the snowbank. O.O.

You will never warrant my full and immediate attention by screaming "hello!" into my ear the moment you pull into drive thru..

I love Lucy, and she loves me. We're as happy as two can be. And life is heaven you see, cause I love Lucy, yes, I love Lucy and Lucy loves me..

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