Wearing a shirt, clinging to my soldier.

Posts tagged ‘facebook’

I’m on the edge of glory, hanging on a moment with you

I finally graduated. Finally! So here is a look back at my times in high school:

Freshman year:
September 24th: Drug tested
September 26th: Detention
October 31st: Halloween party at chruch
November 13th: Detention
December 11th: Pick up class ring
January 22nd: Failing Biology
January 24th: Cody cut in the bathroom and the jock like guys dragged him out of the bathroom.
February 19th: Cody OD’d.
February 25th: Went to Wendy’s with Shawn, Lindsey, Hope, Ethan, Ashley and Katie.
February 26th: Skipped class with Cody
February 27th: Choir tryouts at 15:30. Joy and Chrissy held an intervention.
February 28th: Was going to commit suicide, however Chris asked me out, so I gave him a chance.
March 1st: Went to Vantage Point with Chris
March 8th: Shawn’s birthday party
March 19th: Dentist appointment
March 27th: Pierced belly button, went to Def Leppard, REO Speedwagon and Styx concert.
April 19th: Watched Prom Night with Chris
May 1st: Skipped class
May 17th: Chris came to singsation party and left super early
May 22nd: Detention
May 24th: Molly and Kaitlyn’s grad party
May 29th: Detention

Sophomore Year:
August 2nd: Chris went to Indiana Beach with Joe where Joe told Chris’s grandparents that we are engaged.
August 6th: Chris back
August 11th: Picked up Tiffany
August 14th: Chris told parents about engagement
August 16th: Told my mom. Ashley’s wedding.
September 1st: Went to Labor Day cook out with Chris and Joe
September 16th: Detention
September 19th: Great Times Youth Lock In with Chris
October 13th: Chris “proposed”
October 15th: Kinda sorta kissed Steve
October 25th: Went to Halloween party.
October 29th: Laser tag.
November 8th: Went to HSM3 with Joy, Chrissy, and Gabby
December 5th: Mr. Gallion’s wife had her baby
December 17th: Chris is bisexual and has been cheating on me.
December 23rd: Chris and Joe had sex again.
January 20th: Obama inauguration.
January 31st: Went to Snowball. Chris didn’t hardly dance with me therefore it was pointless that I even went.
February 14th: Chris and Joe. Again.
February 15th: JJ’s baby shower for Micheal.
February 28th: One year with Chris. JJ gave birth via C-section
March 26th: Lost my cellphone
April 2nd: Went to Brittany’s birthday party
April 6th: Car crashed into school
May 16th: Went to see Obsessed with Kelsey
May 29th: Gallion booted me up to Emerald Suite

Junior Year:
August 4th: Went to Indiana Beach with Chris. Lost virginity.
August 7th: Came home.
August 23rd: Went to see Time Traveler’s Wife.
September 10th: Detention
September 12th: Choreography
September 30th: Horseback Riding
October 9th: McDonalds interview
October 13th: Get work permit
October 14th: McDonalds orientation
October 29th: Went to see Cirque du Freak with Chris
November 4th: Applebee’s lamp fell on my head. Gained a concussion.
November 10th: Detention
January 20th: Dehydrated and low iron = Anemic
February 5th: Matt called me to tell me that I couldn’t work.
February 28th: 2 Years with Chris
April 22nd: Got drivers liscense.
May 1st: SAT Test
May 6th: Broke up with Chris… Violently.
May 8th: Went to Prom and started dating Steve.
May 28th: Went to Cedar Point
June 10th: Went to POTO
June 15th: Left for DUNAMIS!

Senior Year:
June 29th: Started dating Matt
June 30th: Caught trying to go on a date with Matt
July 17th: Matt left for AT
July 29th: Matt came home
August 7th: Left for Pigeon Forge
August 13th: Took Matt’s virginity
August 21st: Spent night with Matt
August 29th: Matt went to hospital
September 17th: Homecoming Parade
September 22nd: Found out about deployment
October 22nd: Dad has cancer.
October 26th; Grandma slipped into coma
November 3rd: Broke Matt’s texting.
November 8th: Saw Mike for first time in forever
November 25th: Matt came over for Thanksgiving.
January 7th: Board Opping
January 19th: EKG, and have to get ultrasounds
January 22nd: Caitlin and Brandy’s party
January 25th: Ultrasound
January 28th: Matt called away to Louisiana
January 29th: Placed silver at ISSMA
February 2nd: ICEPOCALYPSE!!!
February 4th: Picked Caitlin up from Muncie and got Taco Bell chucked at me.
February 10th: Jace’s surgery
February 12th: Picked up Matt from airport!
February 14th: Matt bought me a necklace for Doomsday.
February 19th: Went on a date with Matt to the PX and Applebees.
March 18th: Kaitlyn degraded me.
April 16th: My Pure Romance Party
April 19th: Made prom happen for Jake and Viki
April 28th: Got nails done
May 2nd: Bin Laden killed
May 6th: Friday School
May 7th: Went to Prom with Matt and ate Rally’s. Post prom sucked so we bought Sims 3 instead.
May 26th: Choral Awards Night.
May 29th: Indy 500. Matt lost phone and I got sunburned.
June 2nd: Bomb threat
June 4th: Graduation Party
June 5th: Commencement
June 6th: Went to the zoo.

Advertisements

The Wedding Hoopblah is OVER! (Normal Life May Now Resume)

Yay for no more wedding stuff! I was almost heart wrenching to watch all of this unfold. Just too many rings flying around all willy-nilly. I know it doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that I am upset. It doesn’t matter if anyone cares. But the truth is I want a promise. A guaranteed future for myself. And the other night, I snapped.

Prety nasty. Especially towards girls who are my friends. But thats the entire problem. They are my friends.

One is a free spirit. She cut her hair on a whim and looks for a great time, wherever she is. She doesn’t have set plans and career is always first for her. Always, always, always. Her boyfriend wants commitment and she agreed half heartedly, knowing he’s not the one for her. If I remember right, there is a 2013 wedding in the mix for these two.

Another one has been by his side for 3 years, almost as long as he has been in the Army. And they fight like cats and dogs. No one is ever right, they are not considerate of the others feelings and the second he heard about deployment, he proposed. They are getting married on Halloween, I believe.

She hadn’t even been with him for 6 months when on Christmas day, he asked her to marry him before his deployment. Now she’ll be a junior while he goes to basic and on December 3rd, 2012, they’ll tie their own knot.

There is the uber feminist that shaved her head because she wanted to, but not her legs. She has been with her guy for about two years, give or take a while and wears tie dye sweat pants to school. No denying that she has an amazing personality, but also a set 2012 wedding.

These girls, plus many others with less than favorable relationships, are all engaged. They have what I crave with my heart because a marriage is my dream. I want to be a housewife with all of my heart and yet these girls are somehow getting it… HOW!?!

I proposed to Matt too… Ring and all. He just looked at me and said “Someday.” I ask near constantly, taking it in my hands and I don’t even… UGH!

I’ve told him, if he doesn’t want marriage to just tell me. I just want a commitment. I even brought up handfasting. He said it sounded too much like a wedding… At least I tried to make a compromise. Right?

Old Facebook Statuses

Today’s forecast: Slightly Stupid with a 40% chance of Gay. There’s a drama front coming in from the south bringing Emo storms on Tuesday..

accio brain!

Answering the same letter three times or more in a row on a Scantron test is absolutely petrifying. On the SAT, you feel like you’re playing Russian Roulette and only one is a blank!

Sometimes, I wish I had all the money I pumped into Galaga when I was growing up. I could buy a car..

Sims 3: Das Führer expansion pack! I don’t think they will accept it..

I solemly swear that I am up to no good. (All the cool people in Harry Potter die…).

We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love.

Today, I was bummed because I had to take a vocab quiz in english and I hadn’t studied. All of a sudden, the fire alarm went off. We had to evacuate the building. Apparently my chemistry teacher set a gummy bear on fire. We never took the quiz. MLIA..

“I’m a disfigured serial killer who lives in a deadly maze five stories underground. People expect me to smell like death and decay and fresh blood! Not…” He examined the label closely. “…A delightful blend of juicy pears and ripe forest berries!”.

I can put up with a lot, but I draw the line at dressing in pastels..

Today, I was listening to a ring tone named “Another Stupid Guy is Calling” and my boyfriend called at that very moment. I started laughing and couldn’t stop..

Im 17 years old and currently am too busy to be on facebook? WHY? I’m playing with my new Stormtrooper action figure and his box of GUNS!.

Somewhere, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named is scratching his head saying, “Well, thats never happened before..” ((Referring to Avada Kedavra turning Cedric into a sparkly vampire.)).

The atmosphere was taking on a slightly melancholy tint when Ginny, grinning wryly, said, “Gee, Harry. First you show off your Patronus to Remus, then James. Why not buy it a red light so, the next time you want to let somebody ogle it, at least you’ll get paid.”.

Why is it that when two planes almost collide its a near miss? IT’S A NEAR HIT! A collission is a near miss! “*boom* Look, they nearly missed.” “Yes, But not quite!”.

There really is a recording company called “My Diet Starts Tomorrow Inc.”.

I have to get ready. I have to get ready for work. I have to get ready for nearly buring myself and getting killed by flying cups. I have to get ready. Just one more chip and I’ll be ready. Just one more drink and then I’ll be ready. Ok, maybe another drink and then I’ll be ready. Well, a facebook status won’t take long so I’ll do that and then I’ll be ready..

Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a… MOUSE!!! *jumps on top of chair and tries to kill mouse with a broom* DIE VARMIT, DIE!!!!.

have Become a Fan of almost EVERYTHING since I joined Facebook. Anyone else seem cursed with that? You see something and you’re like “OOOH! ME TOO!” *press button*.

My prediction for 2010 is very simple. I predict that if I work hard and save up all of my money, I will be able to afford that new toaster I have always wanted…….I just hope it comes with instructions on how to make toast..

AHHHHH!!!!!! COLLEGE!!! (SAT, FAFSA, WHICH SCHOOL!?!, GRANTS, STRESS GALORE)… Conclusion? Can I just crawl in a hole and thrive there for a year or two until this all becomes simpler?.

soup dont taste good on a round trip…..

“WOW THAT’S BLIGHT!” “Blight?” “Bright and light. Blight. *Chuckle*”.

EVERY TIME I DO MY MAKEUP NICE! I cry and I ruin it. Story of my life!.

“Qui-Gon would’ve asked her out. Anakin would’ve asked her out. Obi-Wan? Obi-Wan would’ve stayed home and KNITTED!”.

An earthy creative individual, easy to talk to, compassionate- however overly nice at times, to hide real feelings. Commonly has an abnormally close guy friend and is known for making bad decisions with guys… who frequently turn out to have some odd sexual preference. She also has NO gaydar. She also tends to date guys/girls with rhyming names..

Enough about hitting the ground running, when the reality is more kids crash into the concrete and break more than a few bones. And by the time it heals, the damage is done..

Jace Gorel JUST MADE MY FRIGGIN DAY!!!!.

OMG! I AM NOW THE CHAMPION!!! YES!! SAVE! SAVE! SAVE!.

One and two and STEP BALL CHANGE!!! SHOULDER SHOULDER!!! What am I singing again? Oh yeah, duh?.

One minute the sky is nice and then it sprinkles. So I’m like “ok. Hood. Cool.” then there’s this downpour and I’m like “ahh! Shleter!!!” and run for the porch. Then the bus comes. So I get drenched anyways..

WHAT!? We can’t ‘Become a Fan’ anymore? WE HAVE TO LIKE IT?!? LAAAAAMMMMEEE!!!!.

I’m pushing down the freeway when I heard your name. I wanted to do a 360, but was caught in the lane. So here I am, cruising along, searching for an exit while driving farther away from you..

Despite all that has happened these last few days, I will make everything perfect tonight. Even if I have to be dancing with myself..

I am not getting out of this bed. It’s warm and it loves me..

I invite her back to my apartment, or as I call it, the “Death Star.” I’m still working on it, it’s not completely operational. -Dane Cook.

Everything in this room is eatable, even *I’m* eatable! But that is called “cannibalism,” my dear children, and is in fact frowned upon in most societies. (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory).

Titanic; oh look! Full on Silat. How dud age Dee there. (what is going on!?! I woke up and this was in my status box).

When I call your name, please say ‘here’, and we’ll assume the word ‘here’ to be short for ‘here I am, rock you like a hurricane.’.

I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, “You’re gonna have to move, you’re blocking a fire exit.” As though if there was a fire, I wasn’t gonna run. If you’re flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit. Unless your a table..

Love shouldn’t be standing there, politely knocking until you answer. It should just kick the door down and scream in your face “I’M HERE!!!”.

“I hang out with tall blonds all the time.” “So do I. But I don’t have to pay for it.” haha. Oh the random text convos we have..

“There was a little girl who just walked in!” -Dad “That was the wife!!!” -Mom I love my parents. ^.^.

Two lessons I know but refuse to accept; have no regrets for what you really want to do, and you are the best and no one can dare to take that away..

Me: There’s no grass in the cemetery. Kelsey Michelle Williams: Nope. Me: I couldn’t be buried in a cemetery without grass. I would kill myself..

I trust that we are all good christian people. *cough* Inappropriate! ((i love dunamis)).

Finding food at IWU: its a survival thing..

ihateitwhenican’tpickastatus….

“That was a cat noise. I must respond with an elephant noise. *silence* I can’t make elephant noises…” Matt Scott.

Down the rabbit hole again, eh Alice?.

Long walks in the dark through woods grown behind the park, I asked God who I’m supposed to be. The stars smiled down on me, God answered in silent reverie. I said a prayer and fell asleep..

“normally people go to Hawaii to stare at their insignificate others… I mean significant others!” -Matthew Scott.

Some songs define a moment… Some define your life..

Princess Peach had to be high all the time. She was the princess of a mushroom world..

That’s why we never win against Russia! They’re wearing white and we’re wearing GREEN!!! -MJS.

“My girlfriend is younger than me, yet older than my mother… Waitaminute!!” -Matt.

The Weasly twins whip thier wands out for everything. XD.

“I am going to make you repeat it until you believe it.”.

How many licks does it take to get to the moon?.

“Hi, I’m Wayne. I’m a gun enthusiast. *gayly* Bang BAAAAaaang!”.

Jace Gorel: So guess what happened at the gym? Me: You banged some hot chick in the attic? Jace Gorel: No… Where did that come from? Me: I’ll tell you that story later. Jace Gorel: OK!.

Just wasted a good half hour exploring jacey’s hometown and then went through 18 steps all the way to Texas…. For a pet resort. >..<.

"Hey Robert, is this how you spell charmeleon?" "Yeah…" "How do you spell it like the animal?" "You mean CHAMELEON?!?" "*blush* oooh…." "How old are you again?" "…18…." Robert W.M and I..

A while back I was on a flight where the pilot announced, "There will be no smoking or complaining on board this flight. If you wish to either smoke or complain we will kindly advise you to step out onto the wing where you will become our in flight entertainment, Gone With the Wind." My sister and I were the only two laughing. MLIA.

You are the moonlight of my life every night, giving all my love to you. My beating heart belongs to you. I walked for miles til I found you. I'm here to honor you. If I lose everything in the fire, I'm sending all my love to you..

Doesn't know whats worse. That I'm looking for an ugly sweater at goodwill or that the people working there have a section for them..

To those "lovers" of Valentines day, here's a thought. St. Valentine was martyred on February 14th. Why? Because he married Christian couples and it was against the Roman Emperor, Claudius's strict Catholic beliefs (He was also persecuting the Christians). For trying to convert Claudius, St. Valentine was clubbed, stoned and then beheaded. Still feel like giving out candy conversation hearts?.

Confession: I just made Mac and Cheese for the first time and my mom yelled at me for throwing a piece at the wall to see if it was done. I think that's how you know you've spent too much time with your boyfriend when you pick up his (awesome) talent. ((Love you Matthew))

While everyone here at home freezes their asses off, Matt would like to remind us all he is some where that is around 70 degrees and sunny… Guess who's receiving a "reality snowball" when he comes home? :D.

So it snowed so much today my car became part OF the snowbank. O.O.

You will never warrant my full and immediate attention by screaming "hello!" into my ear the moment you pull into drive thru..

I love Lucy, and she loves me. We're as happy as two can be. And life is heaven you see, cause I love Lucy, yes, I love Lucy and Lucy loves me..

I was going to…

Rave about the Nintendo 3DS. How awesome it really is. And I might still do that.

Or talk about my upcoming PureRomance party…

How meeting and communicating with Matt’s parents made me feel comfortable today…

Instead I find myself already pissed, and upset.

I am SICK and MOTHER FUCKING TIRED of people deciding that they can choose how MY LIFE is FUCKING LEAD!!!

In the past few months I have been told I am:
Immature
Stupid
Disrespectful
Impatient (true)
Dumb
Whore
Liar
Manipulator

and shit load of other things by Matt’s “family” of friends.

Let me get this straight.

Because I have goals and thoughts and morals I am all of the above. Riiight. I have sat down, face to face with each person starting shit with me and each time I am ripped a new fucking asshole and I’m just supposed to let it roll of my shoulders.

(Currently I am in an empty lobby, no one around, nothing to eat or drink, and trying not to break into tears because he is also here, but I am so pissed off I feel my face heating up and I feel the tears coming)

Matt’s ideal future is to work all the way up to the deployment and seal up or store his life up in the apartment or a storage unit. He wants to get through it and expects his life will radically change. He expects that he will be some inhuman beast, throughly changed through war. He wants to be completely sure that he will be the same or close to the same person before he can make any choice including the rest of his life including but not limited to;

Re-Enlisting
Becoming more of a manager
Marriage
Children
Getting an actual house
Going to college

And a lot of other things that I am not entirely sure of yet.

These dogtags are supposed to represent that I am to be a full fledged part of his future.

Now. Here’s my stance:

My number one goal and dream is to be a respected wife and mother. That’s all. I want to graduate, move in to his place and stay there through deployment. I could get a power of attorney or a joint account to pay for the rent because alone I make way too little to support the apartment and my vehicle. Or we could be married, he could put me down as his spouse and all of a sudden a magic thing called BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing) will kick in. To recieve BAH you must be active military and it will match your areas normal rent/mortgage payment due to that areas cost of living. Pretty cool huh? The thing is you have to report someone as dependant on you for survival. The BAH is to make up for the income lost due to that family members deployment. Family members this applies to is your spouse, your children and a fellow family member who relies on you for their health care. This family member can also be enrolled in DEERS. Kinda awesome actually.

So I want to be in the apartment, keeping it home for him while he is gone. I want to be there when he comes home. I want to be by his side and yes, I do want that crazy white wedding. But more importantly I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with him.

If the deployment wouldn’t fork things up, around, sideways and backwards… I would be perfectly fine with this waiting. Because everything is forking around, I feel kinda torn.

I feel morally wrong for even thinking of having sex with someone who hasn’t asked me to marry them.
I feel morally wrong for even thinking of living with someone who hasn’t asked me to marry them.

Am I wrong becase this is actually hurting me?

All I need is for him to tell me that I don’t have to wait for long. Thats all I need. But with not knowing when my dreams and my wishes will be fullfilled….

Its like the line thing. They did this scientific expirement. When you know how long you have to wait, you tend to be more willing to wait. When you don’t know you get agitated easily. Its basic human nature in which you as a victim have no control and the person in control has complete control.

I don’t think I’m explaining much but it makes sense to me.

Why Are You Running Away?

In this video, Alexis first asks gays why are they walking away from God. Which is understandable and I get it so I’m watching but Alexis has this way of breaking the fourth wall. And as I’m sitting here, watching this video all I can think is “Why am I running away from him?”

God loves me so much he let his son die by human hands in the most painful way imaginable and let him suffer for a bunch of humans who would never know that kind of pain and all so they did not have to burn forever as long as they believe in Christ and spread his word in hopes that more can be saved. And each time I remember this, I swear to myself I’ll be a better Christian. I’ll meet God’s standards and then I fall so short in his glory and his mercy and love that I feel discouraged. If I can’t be the strong woman God has called me to be, why am I even trying? Why don’t I just give up?

And this brings me to tears and I start to curse myself on the inside because its just one more place that I fail. I fail CONSTANTLY.

I curse.

I disobey my parents.

I get angry.

I commit premarital sex on a near daily basis while trying to justify it by telling myself that we will be married someday (and that does nothing for my self esteem or self image but it feels good so I do it anyways…)

I am a glutton.

I gossip.

I lie.

I don’t say the pledge of alliegance (which, okay, isn’t a sin but sometimes it feels like it.)

I let my mind wander and have homosexual urges.

I sin on a daily basis and still wake up every morning and read a poster to remind myself that God loves me as I can smell the sins rolling off of my body and pooling at my feet.

I don’t pray before eating or sleeping.

I don’t read my bible except when I must.

And when people come to me, confide in me about their lives and in honesty ask me to pray for them, I never fucking do.

Ever.

I am so set in my sinful ways I can’t even be bothered to be a good Christian… Or even a decent one.

I am not dating a fellow Christian. These dogtags are marked No-Pref. Part of me wishes he was because if there is some form of God in this world, I would want to see him again after death has taken us a part. But in Heaven we are all brothers and sisters of Christ. Not husband and wife and we will not recognize each other as we have been given a new and holy life. So all we have on earth are these memories.

A memory is as false or as true as you rememeber it and as life goes on, our memories fail.

I don’t know where this is leading but I am so scared right now and I’m alone with my thoughts crashing around me. I could use someones advice on so much. Like how can I accept or dismiss loosing my father and grandmother? Or make my boyfriend see that marriage isn’t just a promise he’ll be there tomorrow but a way to make me feel like I’m not completely disobeying God?

Well, time will tell… For now, I must wipe my tears, pet dear old Zelda here and get to work in a few. But I have a lot to think about. So here goes.