Wearing a shirt, clinging to my soldier.

Posts tagged ‘deployment’

I was going to…

Rave about the Nintendo 3DS. How awesome it really is. And I might still do that.

Or talk about my upcoming PureRomance party…

How meeting and communicating with Matt’s parents made me feel comfortable today…

Instead I find myself already pissed, and upset.

I am SICK and MOTHER FUCKING TIRED of people deciding that they can choose how MY LIFE is FUCKING LEAD!!!

In the past few months I have been told I am:
Immature
Stupid
Disrespectful
Impatient (true)
Dumb
Whore
Liar
Manipulator

and shit load of other things by Matt’s “family” of friends.

Let me get this straight.

Because I have goals and thoughts and morals I am all of the above. Riiight. I have sat down, face to face with each person starting shit with me and each time I am ripped a new fucking asshole and I’m just supposed to let it roll of my shoulders.

(Currently I am in an empty lobby, no one around, nothing to eat or drink, and trying not to break into tears because he is also here, but I am so pissed off I feel my face heating up and I feel the tears coming)

Matt’s ideal future is to work all the way up to the deployment and seal up or store his life up in the apartment or a storage unit. He wants to get through it and expects his life will radically change. He expects that he will be some inhuman beast, throughly changed through war. He wants to be completely sure that he will be the same or close to the same person before he can make any choice including the rest of his life including but not limited to;

Re-Enlisting
Becoming more of a manager
Marriage
Children
Getting an actual house
Going to college

And a lot of other things that I am not entirely sure of yet.

These dogtags are supposed to represent that I am to be a full fledged part of his future.

Now. Here’s my stance:

My number one goal and dream is to be a respected wife and mother. That’s all. I want to graduate, move in to his place and stay there through deployment. I could get a power of attorney or a joint account to pay for the rent because alone I make way too little to support the apartment and my vehicle. Or we could be married, he could put me down as his spouse and all of a sudden a magic thing called BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing) will kick in. To recieve BAH you must be active military and it will match your areas normal rent/mortgage payment due to that areas cost of living. Pretty cool huh? The thing is you have to report someone as dependant on you for survival. The BAH is to make up for the income lost due to that family members deployment. Family members this applies to is your spouse, your children and a fellow family member who relies on you for their health care. This family member can also be enrolled in DEERS. Kinda awesome actually.

So I want to be in the apartment, keeping it home for him while he is gone. I want to be there when he comes home. I want to be by his side and yes, I do want that crazy white wedding. But more importantly I honestly want to spend the rest of my life with him.

If the deployment wouldn’t fork things up, around, sideways and backwards… I would be perfectly fine with this waiting. Because everything is forking around, I feel kinda torn.

I feel morally wrong for even thinking of having sex with someone who hasn’t asked me to marry them.
I feel morally wrong for even thinking of living with someone who hasn’t asked me to marry them.

Am I wrong becase this is actually hurting me?

All I need is for him to tell me that I don’t have to wait for long. Thats all I need. But with not knowing when my dreams and my wishes will be fullfilled….

Its like the line thing. They did this scientific expirement. When you know how long you have to wait, you tend to be more willing to wait. When you don’t know you get agitated easily. Its basic human nature in which you as a victim have no control and the person in control has complete control.

I don’t think I’m explaining much but it makes sense to me.

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The Military and Me

This is the National Guard insignia. Out of all of the military symbols I have grown to respect, this one is my entire heart. This symbol is his life… At least until he gets out.

He being my Matthew. I’ve seen milspouses call their husbands G.I. Joe, “M”, the DH, and many other but theres something about that. He isn’t just a soldier. It took me a while to start realizing that online but… he isn’t his title. He is my Matthew.

We met through work… Me in my red crew shirt and him in a management gig. He has been there for 8 years now, and my measly “working on 2” pales in comparison. We would joke around on slow nights and I honestly thought he was a total fruitcake. Guess not right? We have bonded over ketchup, pokemon and George of the Jungle. Our first kiss was a total surprise and totally justified.

But I didn’t know about the military. Not until after we started dating.

If I had payed attention… I would’ve noticed.

But I sat down in that apartment and looked around when he wasn’t home. Boots by the door. ACUs on the floor. National Guard pack by the TV. I felt… Lost.

It was a whole new world I had no idea about.

And I was scared.

A world of questions and what if’s. Until he asked me one thing.

Could I deal with the knock on the door?

To be honest… I’m still not sure. But I am positive I will always be by this mans side. Until death do we part.

Pure Romance

In the spirit, although passed, of Valentines day, I would like to throw in a well-deserved spot to one of my friends. And with all the news of deployments, its a great idea to stock up on those battery operated boyfriends. Not that anyone complains too much (who can love you more than yourself).

So heres a good, decent list of things on my *wishlist* and a pretty basic description.

To start out, this is Coochy. Its a shaving cream, mostly for your bikini line and those irritating (literally!) bumps. It smells amazing, works great and on top of all of that, makes your hair amazingly soft. It also can be used on your guy to shave his face but most don’t want to smell… Well, girly. So there is a male version. The female Coochy comes in great scents like grapefruit, green tea, pear berry, pomegranate and, of course, an original scent. Definitely should be on your “to buy” list.

Now this is a bad-ass item. Matthew and I love LOVE candles. Seriously. And this is a soy based candle. Key word? Wax becomes massage oil that doesn’t, shall we say, stick or dry. Which is key. Especially since after a massage one of two things happens… Sleep or sex. The oils in the candle make your skin softer and it never gets above body temp… NO BURNS! 😀 It’ll give you about 20 massages which is awesome. And totally sets the mood for a romantic night in. I suggest pairing it with a fluffy robe, bubble bath, spaghetti and, of course, soft candlelight.

Pheromones are amazing little things that guide your sex drive. That is known. In Basic Instinct, there is a unisex pheromone that reacts to your copulis (the female pheromone that we excrete natural to attract men) and a mans androstenone. In plain English, you will smell sexy. You will feel sexy. And it will pay off. A waitress using Basic Instinct can get higher tips. (We all could use a bit of that). Also, sex hormones relax those around you, potentially de-escalating a sticky situation. Best of all, it blends in with your lotion and perfume seamlessly. Good places to apply this is to the pulse point on neck and wrists, behind the ears and onto the collar bone.

Vanilla Bondage. Seems like a scary title and looks just like an ice cream tub. (Yum… Ice cream.) What it really is, is a bunch of silky ties and a blindfold in a neat, hide-able package. And for beginners in the bondage world, its absolutely perfect. The ties can be easily chilled by being put in the freezer for a few minutes or wrapped around a bag of heated rice to be warm against the skin. And can I mention, its vanilla scented? But don’t take my word for all of it… Try it yourself!

Body Bling. Its a glowing, bronzing powder that shimmers ever so slightly. But then all night it can be nibbled and licked and it still stays so silkily glittery in that simple, feminine way. You can mix it with your favorite clear lip gloss and make this neutral lip gloss that tastes amazing. The flavors in this wonderful gem is vanilla and cinnamon (like the sweet cinnamon in your cinna-toast, not like the jar in your cabinet).

Sadly, we might not always be in the mood to immediately get at it and go. We have depression medications, birth control and stress that severely dampens our sex drives. Say. No. More. X-Scream is a very… ahem… Rollercoaster cream to boost your drive with a mint base. When you begin your foreplay, a little dab on your clitoris and upon your man should do just the trick and next thing you know… You get the picture. It comes in bubble gum, cool mint, chocolate and vanilla frosting. Its a pretty high dosage and there are two lower ones. One of them is for those sensitive to these kinds of creams and the other for people who aren’t familiar with these creams yet. A 1 oz. bottle is about 3 months worth of product.

The “dirty deed” is done. And now, you have a wet spot the size of China and you both are tired. You do the fight for the dry side and one of you ends up landing in it, kinda cringing. Well, cringe no more my friend. Between the Sheets is AMAZING. It takes that doomed wet spot and dries it up like magic, giving your sheets this silky, pheromone enriched feeling. And it doesn’t just do that, but also can be used as a subtle air fresher for your home, office, car or any where you need it. It doesn’t stain your sheet and comes in scents like Seductive Sage, Fresh, and Pure Cotton. (The Sage smells AMAZING!)

Last but not least is my favorite item as of recently, and I cannot get enough of it. (Honestly!)

I had a little bottle from a sample. Just one little bottle. The flavor has been discontinued (aww… Bye bye Blueberry!!) but it is by far a favorite of mine at least. (And he didn’t complain… 🙂 ) To start, its a little cool and with a bit of friction, it gradually warms up. It doesn’t burn, just a pleasant warm tingle which is air activated. Its safe on poly-urethane condoms and inside of our very pH balanced vaginas. It is sugar free but totally doesn’t taste like it. Its about four months worth of product in a 4 oz. tube but if you’re like me… It ain’t gonna last that long with mouthwatering flavors like candy apple, hot buttered rum, cocoa, original, peppermint patty, spice is nice and strawberries and whipped cream. Its all natural and totally will blow both of your minds.

On their website they have many different toys and product available that I couldn’t even begin to name. They have dual actions that are nothing short of mind blowing and a few items to not only spice up your sex life, but send it hurtling into space.

So heres a pretty good deal. If you order from my dearest friend Amanda, she will have your item to you as soon as possible and with a 10% discount by saying you heard from this site. You can book parties if you are local and if you are across the country it is no problem. It will get to you I promise! She can give you more specials and deals (trust me, she always has at least 1 hiding somewhere) and that is only available if you call, text or email her. By ordering off of the website in general, you cannot receive any form of discount.

So here’s her contact information. Get in touch, have fun and remember to always love yourself FIRST!

amandabrault@gmail.com

Call or Text: 765-602-5979

Her personal consultant page:
Amanda Brault for Pure Romance

And the shop:
Shop Now!

Have a wonderful night from this MWIT,
Breanna

Let All Oz Be Agreed…

I’m WICKED.

Wicked stoked that was this morning when I woke up because I was absolutely positive I’d be heading to FRG… See, FRG stands for Family Readiness Group. Here’s an excellent description. Think of a room, full of Army Wives and Girlfriends and as far as I know its just conversation and support. Sounds beautiful.

So I wake up, roll out of bed and sit there. Looking at my closet wondering what I should be wearing. Would they be like, uber dressed up or jeans and t-shirt? So I picked the middle route with a purple plaid top, button up, of course and a white tank top. Skinny ‘jeggings’ and I thought I could just run out to the apartment and get my boots but then it would be way out of the way and I wasn’t even sure if I’d have the gas. So I’m feeling pretty good.

I walk out of my bedroom and my mother tells me straight up that I’m not going. Claiming its too far away and that she hasn’t seen her mother in ‘days’ and yeah… I get it. But we agreed that my preparation for this deployment, whether or not it is immediate is important to how well I will survive with him.

I sat down in my room, on the ACU bed sheets I love so much. I fired off an email to the FRG leader and painstakingly told Matthew our plans were off…

See, we were supposed to drive back together and then sit down and plan this road trip we are thinking about taking after I graduate. He wants to go spelunking at Mammoth Cave… Me? Cincinnati.

Then my dad calls for me so I’m kinda like “Great, what now?” And turns out my grandmother went into full cardiac arrest with no code so she was rushed to Marion. Now I’m getting in a car and clutching my MWIT dog tags to my heart and sitting in a car with my mother. Who is still not happy with me. So then I pay for everything… Gas. My cigarette avoidance ((AKA STARBUCKS)). Food. And I really didn’t mind. I figure I’ll be paid back and it won’t be that big of a deal. Its like putting my money in a reserve.

She was on a vent and not that responsive at all. Kinda sucks. So then MGH came to the choice AGAIN that they can’t take care of her. So they sent her to Ft. Wayne.

We followed of course and on the way up there we saw an Ft. Wayne ambulance going the other way. So I call MGH who connects me to MGH dispatch who then connect me to Ft. Wayne dispatch to find out that the ambulance never made it out of Marion and now we are a good hour ahead of my grandmother. And the ambulance we saw was the replacement.

After getting lost in the hospital due to my love of stairs and getting majorly freaked out from landing in the NICU…. It was a stressful day.

Now I find out Matt has paper work for me at 0600… Great… I think I have a right to be a little scared. I mean ARMY paperwork? I can guess of what it is but I have NO IDEA.

Now on top of all this, on December 26th, cramps from hell came back. I was curled up in this tiny little ball bawling in Matthew’s arms and still had to go to work for 8 hours. It sucked ass. I was in so much pain. And now its back. As I sit here, its like a stabbing and ripping pain and I wanna wake Matt up and ask him to get me some pain killers but it was a drill weekend and its not like he can do too much. So I’ll tough it out. As always.

I also went to Wicked with my best friend Brittany. BAWLED when “No Good Deed” started. I mean first chords and the tears came. They couldn’t stop. Something about it just rings a chord. I don;t want Matt to get hurt. What MWIT does?

I also got my cartilage done. Hurt like a ^&$*%. Worth it. 🙂

Also did an excellent job at the station on Friday. Congrads to Kendall Waters for some amazing shots. Arabians won 59 to 41 at the Madison County Championship against the Anderson Indians at the Wigwam.

So here’s Matt’s reason for the hold up.

He doesn’t know who he’ll come home as. He doesn’t want something bad to happen and have me regret this choice that I am ready for. So we are waiting on moving in and engagement and consequently, marriage to cut back on a risk of future abuse or divorce. Honestly, it is a great thing for us. Not just me. Not just him. Us. I will get through this. So will he. We will do this together. We are not alone.

I think the biggest weapon I posses right now is hope. What would I be without hope? I would be nothing.

So Matt… If you want to read this in the future, and this deployment is behind us. And if you’re ready…

Silver. Size 6. Ish. Blue Sapphire or Amethyst. Minimum diamond useage. And please… Surprise me. 🙂

My answer is yes, always.