Wearing a shirt, clinging to my soldier.

Archive for the ‘stories’ Category

Never Think

His eyes were half closed as he walked down the halfway, boots scuffing at the ground. The backpack on his back felt like it weighed a million pounds, and her photograph was all he was aware of in his pocket. His keys even felt foreign. He stared at the green door for what seemed like years. Even went so far to rest his forehead against it and stare at his uniform before twisting his key in the deadbolt.

Never think
What’s in your heart
What’s in our home
So I won’t

She was laying on his couch, his bed, in her favorite sweatshirt. She had been so proud when she had done enough to win it. There was the pride that she was deserving of him. No, it was the other way around and it struck him hard now, as he looked at her chest rising and falling, eyelashes fluttering and arms clutched around the small stuffed kitten he had bought her. Her auburn hair was a light, even through the morning storm.

You’ll learn to hate me
But still call me baby
Oh Love
So call me by my name

His smile could have lit up the whole world as he softly let his bag fall down in the foyer. He couldn’t keep his eyes off of this beautiful woman who occupied not only his apartment, but his mind and thoughts. He bowed his head to focus on getting out of his combat boots and snuck past her sleeping figure into the back room where he peeled out of his ACUs. Even here, she lingered in the small, tidy stacks of laundry.

And save your soul
save your soul
Before you’re too far gone
Before nothing can be done

He walked back in front of her and knelt beside her, feeling her breath wash over him in waves. His fingers reached out and were greeted with her silent warmth. His smile grew and he kissed her forehead long, and deeply, cherishing the feeling of her skin under his lips.

I’ll try to decide when
She’ll lie in the end
I ain’t got no fight in me
In this whole damn world
Telling you to hold off
She said hold on
It’s the one thing that I’ve known

His dog tags clinked and he broke the kiss to look at them and then her. The sun shone wisely through the window, turning it every shade of sunrise, and he smoothly pulled them over his head and placed them around her neck. For once he could swear that home was just a little more tangible and a tear entered his eye. Perhaps, because this was home to her, and it had become that way to him too. So he cried.

Once I put my coat on
And how I know it’s all wrong
She’s standing outside holding me
Saying oh please
I’m in love
I’m in love

Her blue grey eyes opened, and she reached out her fingers to brush against his forehead. A small smile wrinkled her features and calm rushed over her. The cool metal against her neck made her hold up his tags, and she pressed her fingers to her lips, eyes spilling so many secrets and tears that he pulled her close, wrapping her in his warm embrace on the living room floor.

Girl save your soul
Save your soul
Before you’re too far gone
And before nothing can be done

She clutched to him as he held her, her voices solitary whimpers filling the air just as much as his. She breathed in his scent and kissed all she could reach as fingers searched her hair for a lifeline. He swore she’d said I love you a million times before but there’s a difference when she said it like she did. Like she had gone a lifetime without water, and he was the only supply.

‘Cause without me
You got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Without me you got it all
So hold on
Hold on

He held her until she calmed. And when she curled into his side, he sat with his back to the couch, buried his face in her hair, and wondered what god he pleased so well that they let him have an angel.

Robert Pattinson – “Never Think”


I had this dream last night that I need to share:

Walking through a forest on a gravel path, the trees surrounded me just like his arms. The verdant leaves caressed my arms, sending my anemic pale skin into an even whiter stage. I was shaking a little bit, but knew that I had a few hours left before I’d need another protein pick-me-up. The bark was fascinating so I put out my hand to touch it. I was missing him something terrible, just as I am now. I was wearing a black tank top and my new grey vest. I believe I was wearing my favorite dark wash jeans and combat boots also. My phone rang in my pocket.

“Class of 2011 makes any other class, obsolete. Class of 2000000000011…”

The caller ID on my iPhone told me only the town. I had never seen this number before and decided against my own better judgement to answer. My shakes were getting worse so I leaned against the tree to steady my swaying vision. “Hello?”

A breathy sigh came from the other end of the phone as I heard a car ding, as if someone had decided to call me before they forgot their keys or drove off without a seat belt on. “Hello beautiful.” My soldiers voice washed over me and I heard a manly chuckle in the background followed by an “OW!”

I gasped his name and stood up away from the tree, about falling head over ass down the hill. “I thought you… Wow…” My smile took over my face. I wasn’t expecting his call in the least. His presence inspired me to keep moving and not push my bodies small grace of putting off my inevitable passing out.

“I found the perfect place for camping. You’d love it here. It’s semi secluded and all together amazing. I’ve been here for about three days, running into the woods in daytime, and sleeping in my car.”

“In your car? Why in your car? Didn’t you bring your gear?” My soldier was worried about me, and it warmed my heart.

I blew out my cheeks and grabbed onto a tree for support. “I brought it but its at the hotel and I have no idea how to get back. An iPhone isn’t good for everything, you know? Signal sucks out here.”

His grin, the one that is so feline in nature, was audible. “So, pretty kitty choir girl,” a blush tendriled across my face as I pushed myself up the hill. “I am in limbo this week. They’re sending me a little north for these last few days and I just realized I need to drop by home, even if you are completely lost without me.”

My silver Saturn was in sight so I pulled out my keys, keeping my eyes peeled for anyone or anything that had decided to follow me. “You need me to collect you anywhere?” The trunk popped open and I scoured the bags for my lunchables.

“Nah, Jackson has got me right now. I’m about to hit Tennessee. You need anything at all, you call me, okay? I’ll be there as soon as possible.” There was thick silence for a moment as I felt my legs begin to give way underneath me. “I love you.”

The phone crashed out of my hands and I started to roll down the hill towards the rushing river below. The grass was no longer soft, but harsh as it revealed the hidden rocks. The water was clear blue, and the cotton seeds floated along in the air and the stream with me. A rush filled my ears and slowly I wondered if I would die here. Then I fell, with all the rest of the world sliding with me down into space.


The beeping filled my ears, of machines pumping life. Of my phone, vibrating like crazy on the stand next to me. I reached out to grab it but the IV in my hand  tugged. I winced and kept reaching until I had my mini lifeline in my hand. I then looked around.

It was like any other hospital I had seen before. Same plain curtains and green walls to promote healing. I had three chairs on my side of the curtain. The board read “Good Morning Breanna.” and listed my room number and nurses names. I pressed the call button and waited for my nurse to come in.

She was a pretty young woman, fresh out of schooling it seemed. Her brown eyes had a hint of honey that complemented her blond hair. Her skin was tanned and showed how hard she worked. Whatever man decided to put a ring on her finger was going to be a very envied man. “Good afternoon, how are feeling? Any pain?” Her eyes extended concern.

Now that she mentioned it, my head twinged a little in discomfort that always follows an attack. “Uhmm… Just my head… Where am I?”

She repeated my story from what the police record said and laughed at my anemic insistence that my phone be dug out of the trunk and brought to me. “You are by far the most stubborn patient I have ever had. You refused treatment unless your phone was going to be in your possession.”

Yeah, sounds like me… I smiled and quickly texted four people that I needed in the room at that very moment.

Jace: So anemia acted up again. Heres the info. Not urgent, but please come.

Mom, Dad: I’m in the hospital. Can’t be home for dinner tonight. Room 243.

Soldier: Camping trip is AWOL right now, anemia is… *frustrating*. Room 243, can you make it? I love you too.


Jace sat in the chair closest to me, trying to distract me from the fact the doctor seriously just said the words “Transfusion”, “Liver” and “Week long blood study”. Currently his attempt was repeating Kelsey and Clarissa’s feeble attempts to romanticize him, and laughing at my sarcastic responses.

“Ok, ok, ok… Try this one.” He mimicked a female whiny voice and sneered, “I just miss you so much and I want you in my lifeeeeee….”

I smiled and threw my voice into the lower register. “I am really sorry, but I just can’t deal with the fact you gave your dog gonnaherpesyphilitis just by looking at it. I wish you the best and hope they find treatment soon.Although that straight jacket looks very flattering on you.

We busted out laughing and I clutched my stomach. Mom was at work, and Dad was down in the cafe with Theresa. Possibly also getting a smoke break too. I hadn’t heard any word from my soldier, and it scared me. But duty came over a sick girlfriend.

The door opened in the middle of another impersonation, and I looked up to see my soldier, completely dirty and sweaty from drill, but here. Two other ACU’s stood behind him, but they didn’t matter. All that mattered was that my soldier was here. We shared a quick kiss and he pulled back to examine me.

“Damn… You’re so…” His eyes flitted everywhere at once..

“Pale and fabulous?” I grinned and one of the figures snorted.

“Yeah. We’ll go with that.”