Wearing a shirt, clinging to my soldier.

Archive for the ‘my past…’ Category

Bile and Terror

Bile just rose in my throat again… Along with the tears. You’ll never have a clue how much you hurt me, how you destroyed me so many times. You looked me in the damn eyes and told me you wished I would die. maybe then you’d be free of me. maybe then you wouldn’t care for me. Then you turned around and said you loved me, and days were filled with “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it baby”‘s. But it makes me sick, does it to you? To know that I was the one you went and fucking lied to? The feelings too strong now, I fear the worst in me. This violent temper ain’t becoming on me. I want to punch the gas, punch your face, spit on you so you know how it tastes. To be used, abused and broken into. Invaded and raided like it ain’t nothing to you. I want you to feel alone and shattered deep in your soul, you can’t fix it. No one can, its a fire that hasn’t been lit. And the sad part is, your entire family knows. they see the feel that you hold and its mirrored. Your beauty is a hell of a lot less clearer and as the years go by, the lies, the tears, the mother fucking goddamn fears, They all add up in that damn mirror. You can’t see your eyes, you can’t see your soul. Its gone, vanished, like the family home. See, and here comes the word vomit again, I wanna curl up, make a home inside of your sick head. Its a comfort zone on the end of your fists. Cause at least then I can imagine it don’t get better than this.