Wearing a shirt, clinging to my soldier.

Archive for January, 2011

Facebook Message to Alexis Chervony

I think I mentioned this ONCE on a status, but I caught “The One He Fights For” vid off of an Army Wife blog. And I’m reading what she said and she swore up and down you had us pegged. She’s right. She’s damn right. Facing a deployment, not knowing when its falling. Struggling to grow up and keep my childhood? Complete BULLSHIT.

See thats the things about being a girlfriend, and not a wife. So easily ignored. So easily underplayed. But then I open myself up to this community where you are indeed becoming a BASE name. And I take these videos and I post them on my military and civilian accounts and my online FRG and all this shit and I’m sharing off of my iPhone and its like contagious. Its like telling these girls facing the same damn thing as me with more committed men (meaning they are getting married before our deployments and I’m not) that guess what? The world is bigger than just the closest armory and Ft. Harrison. Its getting so huge and info is flying left and right and for Christmas, I didn’t buy a gag gift of condoms like normal… I bought them Skype Credit so that basic wouldn’t tear them apart even though I am scared to death of these next few months for myself.

See and I don’t know why I say all of this shit. It doesn’t make a damn bit of difference to anyone. I’m just another face of Army Wives and Girlfriends Left behind in times of war who sit on their bed with phone in hand, staring at the service flag wondering if he will ever come home again. Wondering if its all really going to be normal and even just a little bit like that homecoming I’ve always seen and heard about. I pray it is and I’m not a girl to pray often. Theres something about us… We act all HOOAH, but… Its scary. Its terrifying. Each soldier is different and in him is the power to fight or the lack of which to succumb… One thought away from battle on the field, and I’m home with a flag and some higher ups deepest apologies. No. Its not a place for weak women. as the men must be warriors, so must I.

Thanks for listening.

Breanna.

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Last FM Goodness ((New tracks to love))

The Pretty Reckless : My Medicine
Leighton Meester : Somebody To Love
Emily Osment : All The Way Up
Lady Gaga : Dance in the Dark
Sky Ferreira : Obsession
Christina Aguilera : Candyman
Katy Perry : Not Like The Movies
Kesha : Backstabber
3OH!3 : Starstrukk

and more to come!

Blog Hop!

So I decided to do a few blog hops so to any new followers, welcome!! This is my baby and I think I need to explain quite a bit.

I started this on an awkward day when I needed a vent for AT loneliness. And stress. So I just started typing. And I’m always told I get straight to the point which is true. So the posts here are super short. I’m hoping to get a few weekly things started like…

Military Monday with facts on Afghanistan and Iraq wars.
Wet Wednesday for new sexual positions or techniques.
Fat Friday for a brand spanking new recipe.

I don’t know if I’m good enough to do that but I’d try.

Let All Oz Be Agreed…

I’m WICKED.

Wicked stoked that was this morning when I woke up because I was absolutely positive I’d be heading to FRG… See, FRG stands for Family Readiness Group. Here’s an excellent description. Think of a room, full of Army Wives and Girlfriends and as far as I know its just conversation and support. Sounds beautiful.

So I wake up, roll out of bed and sit there. Looking at my closet wondering what I should be wearing. Would they be like, uber dressed up or jeans and t-shirt? So I picked the middle route with a purple plaid top, button up, of course and a white tank top. Skinny ‘jeggings’ and I thought I could just run out to the apartment and get my boots but then it would be way out of the way and I wasn’t even sure if I’d have the gas. So I’m feeling pretty good.

I walk out of my bedroom and my mother tells me straight up that I’m not going. Claiming its too far away and that she hasn’t seen her mother in ‘days’ and yeah… I get it. But we agreed that my preparation for this deployment, whether or not it is immediate is important to how well I will survive with him.

I sat down in my room, on the ACU bed sheets I love so much. I fired off an email to the FRG leader and painstakingly told Matthew our plans were off…

See, we were supposed to drive back together and then sit down and plan this road trip we are thinking about taking after I graduate. He wants to go spelunking at Mammoth Cave… Me? Cincinnati.

Then my dad calls for me so I’m kinda like “Great, what now?” And turns out my grandmother went into full cardiac arrest with no code so she was rushed to Marion. Now I’m getting in a car and clutching my MWIT dog tags to my heart and sitting in a car with my mother. Who is still not happy with me. So then I pay for everything… Gas. My cigarette avoidance ((AKA STARBUCKS)). Food. And I really didn’t mind. I figure I’ll be paid back and it won’t be that big of a deal. Its like putting my money in a reserve.

She was on a vent and not that responsive at all. Kinda sucks. So then MGH came to the choice AGAIN that they can’t take care of her. So they sent her to Ft. Wayne.

We followed of course and on the way up there we saw an Ft. Wayne ambulance going the other way. So I call MGH who connects me to MGH dispatch who then connect me to Ft. Wayne dispatch to find out that the ambulance never made it out of Marion and now we are a good hour ahead of my grandmother. And the ambulance we saw was the replacement.

After getting lost in the hospital due to my love of stairs and getting majorly freaked out from landing in the NICU…. It was a stressful day.

Now I find out Matt has paper work for me at 0600… Great… I think I have a right to be a little scared. I mean ARMY paperwork? I can guess of what it is but I have NO IDEA.

Now on top of all this, on December 26th, cramps from hell came back. I was curled up in this tiny little ball bawling in Matthew’s arms and still had to go to work for 8 hours. It sucked ass. I was in so much pain. And now its back. As I sit here, its like a stabbing and ripping pain and I wanna wake Matt up and ask him to get me some pain killers but it was a drill weekend and its not like he can do too much. So I’ll tough it out. As always.

I also went to Wicked with my best friend Brittany. BAWLED when “No Good Deed” started. I mean first chords and the tears came. They couldn’t stop. Something about it just rings a chord. I don;t want Matt to get hurt. What MWIT does?

I also got my cartilage done. Hurt like a ^&$*%. Worth it. 🙂

Also did an excellent job at the station on Friday. Congrads to Kendall Waters for some amazing shots. Arabians won 59 to 41 at the Madison County Championship against the Anderson Indians at the Wigwam.

So here’s Matt’s reason for the hold up.

He doesn’t know who he’ll come home as. He doesn’t want something bad to happen and have me regret this choice that I am ready for. So we are waiting on moving in and engagement and consequently, marriage to cut back on a risk of future abuse or divorce. Honestly, it is a great thing for us. Not just me. Not just him. Us. I will get through this. So will he. We will do this together. We are not alone.

I think the biggest weapon I posses right now is hope. What would I be without hope? I would be nothing.

So Matt… If you want to read this in the future, and this deployment is behind us. And if you’re ready…

Silver. Size 6. Ish. Blue Sapphire or Amethyst. Minimum diamond useage. And please… Surprise me. 🙂

My answer is yes, always.

Army Wife Talk Radio

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Listen to internet radio with Army Wife Talk Radio on Blog Talk Radio

Its been a while…

Since I was to post about the military. Things are quiet for now. I’m not sure whether to be happy… Or on edge. Its very easy to slip to that edge and stick there like glue. My first FRG is next Sunday. I am reminded again how important my job has now become. See, I’m choosing every day to make this HUGE CHOICE….

 

To love. To be happy and love him. And learn to love. And I think honestly I need to start an angst book.

 

He has to do this and this and this and this and this chain of command needs this done and this guy is leaving and he doesn’t want me to go here but then he gets there and realizes I don’t need to be here and need to be there but it’s way too late and he’s sorry and he’ll make it up to me and oh by the way did I get the drain unclogged or is that another mission and just how clean is the floor because he’s going to have this guy and these people over and he was wondering if he should let them sleep there and blah blah blah blah blah.

 

Talk about my life becoming one huge run on sentence.

 

Not like I don’t mind I mean I love it. All the challenges make it exasperating. ((I was going to put exhilarating but exasperating worked too! YAY iPHONE!))

Much love to all,

Breanna