Wearing a shirt, clinging to my soldier.

Archive for September, 2010

A Dream

Do you realize that I want to be so much? I want to be everything. I want to be anything. I want to fly. I want to crash. I want to exist. I want to disappear. And you make me feel my best when I think I can only feel my worst.

I want to pick a pen up and come up with something to express how I feel but can’t find this perfect rhyme and reason behind it. I want to  draw out my feelings but no color is soft enough to capture it. And if I was to try and sing or dance it, my movements would be too bulky and my voice wouldn’t do it justice.

Relax; Attack of the 80’s

(Owl City – Tidal Wave)

Ordered more stuff today. I’m excited. (Can you tell?) Anyways my phone screwed up last night and posted to previous post to Facebook. CRAP! I love this blog, but I’m not comfortable with my family knowing how… Invested I am.

Ooo! My blood is tinging forest green. Why? Because I bought green stuff today. No reason. AT ALL! Yeah, cargo shorts and a tank. Oh and a white shirt but thats neither here nor there.

So I’m outside, on the porch, in friggin’ 84 degree weather at 2020…. This is WRONG!

I mean its FALL! Leaves changing, fleece jackets, apple cider. No. FREAKING 93 DEGREES TODAY!

WTF! This is INDIANA!

Seriously. Kabul is colder than us. High of 76, low of 52. And yeah, compared to my hometown. High of 93, low of 71.

Yappy dog barking. Can I squish it?

zzzOMG CRICKET!

NEW MY CHEM ALBUM! 5 FRIGGIN DAYS!

Got. To. BUY!

Gottagottagottagottagotta….

The “Play List of Current Songs”

  1. “Guys Like You Make Us Look Bad” – Blessthefall
  2. “Nevada’s Grace” – Atreyu
  3. “Na Na Na (Na Na Na)” – My Chemical Romance
  4. “21 Guns” – Green Day
  5. “Like Its Her Birthday” – Good Charlotte
  6. “Helena” – My Chemical Romance Piano Tribute
  7. “Viva La Gloria?” – Green Day

and I’m lazy, so I’m done.

Tomorrow is here.

Tomorrow has come.
The training is done.
Shoulder your weapon soldier,
Here’s your marching order.

Give her the words and tell her to be strong.
Give her the kisses and support she pleads for.
Watch those beautiful eyes fill with tears.
Watch her heart shatter.

Say the words she can’t think of.
Rub the shoulders that will forge their way to you.
Army strong wife. Army strong girlfriend.

Which am I, my love?
Who am I becoming?
For the oceans wide and I felt foreboding.

This morning I put a heart over Indiana,
And one over The Middle East.
I wrote “half of my heart is here”
And felt like it was a million years away.

You won’t spend valentines day with me.

You won’t watch my senior concert in person.

You won’t go to prom with me.

You won’t see me graduate.

Our one year will be spent 7,000+ miles apart.

I’ll start college alone.

I’ll be alone.

Alone.

God… Protect him. Please. I’m begging you.

Pack;

I’d like to give my congratulations to my brother and his pack. I had no idea that he had claimed his mate in the human way, so I am offering my acceptance of her publicly on this medium. And if you ever need any help (like babysitting future pups while you’re at your *cough cough* betas. I will)

Shiloh;

Sabers raised high, a bride and groom run through. The last sabers cross in front of them and they kiss before the Sergeants hand lands on her ass. “WELCOME TO THE ARMY!” He bellows as the bells ring.

Welcome to enlistment, fellow MWIT.

Robert;

You jerk.

You didn’t even tell me you were swearing in this morning.

I don’t care how much you’re gonna be proud of yourself.

I’m still kicking your ass.

Brittany;

Remember all those times we talked about love?

Here’s a chance. So take it.

I don’t care about how it seems like stepping off a cliff; just don’t look at the ground.

You’ll be fine.

Remember, if its not fine, its not the end.

Jace;

Love her. Please.

Send her letters, and gifts on holidays.

Text her every moment.

Forget I exist.

Because sadly enough, I’m not expecting you to ever remember or fulfill promises. The only promise I trust is from the one who hasn’t hurt me yet. The man you told me to choose.

Dearest Love,

Dearest love,

Born from the dew of the morning and the warmth of its light.

Kiss this woman made of snow and winter’s night.

For she pales for one more moment spent in ever-loving arms.

Her hair splayed across a chest so defined,

Lips running over a simple metal charm.

She knows the words, yes, every single line.

She fears that it will be used in due time.

Dearest love, she sighs heavily towards mother moon.

“Bring him home… Bring him home…”


Miles away, he swears the whisper carried.

Alone in the darkness, surrounded by her.

A scent on the wind, the cold chill of night air.

Things he swore were embedded in her soul.

One single beam reaches down in front of him,

“Bring him home… Bring him home…”

He hopes she’s watching,

Hope she knows.

He unscrews the filter and shines the light back at the moon.

“Pretty Kitty, I love you.”

True story. At least part of it. Apparently (and I believe this), one night Matt was walking around during AT for a piss break. He looked over and saw the moon shining on one spot, just that one. He swore that it was me sending him a message that I loved him. So he took the red filter off of his flashlight and shone it back at the moon, hoping the light would hit it, and send the message back that he loved me. Needless to say, I don’t sleep until I locate the moon now. Especially with drill coming and going like crazy.

I cannot find my packet for what I’m supposed to get done for Ivy Tech. Its so stressful… UGH!

Shotgun Weddings and Paper Rings

In a moment, how a life may change,

As he dives and kisses her temples.

This is a marriage vow, older than time.

His bites mark and bleed,

Her nails scratch and kneed.

And in this moment, a child concieved.

Two hearts without fear, on moistened sheets,

Unknowing that soon, a third heart will beat.

That her abdomen will bulge and carry within,

A child damned for their very sin.

But mother sees it not that way,

Neither does father.

This child of love, only grows stronger.

They find themselves wondering,

The who, the when.

“A pale young girl with soft black hair.

Piercing grey eyes, similar to hail.

Her voice of bells,

Her soul of silver”

“Nay,” he speaks and the tale unwinds,

“A boy, with an unspoken mind.

Red black hair with skin so tanned.

The heart of gold that creates a man.”

Hands placed on stomach round,

A home so safe, solid with sound.

Her own dreams, intertwined with no fear.

This family was all she needed here.

Days came and passed,

As did the labor.

Till finally, she called on the neighbor.

“Help me,” She cried, “I fear it is time.

And he’s far away, not a clue.”

“Stay right where you are. I’ll come get you.”

She relied on him for so long,

She forgot that the chance was there,

That when the baby came, he’d be gone.

Hours she pushed, until finally a cry.

Pictures taken and she held the baby with a sigh.

Names came and his name was signed with flourish.

A baby girl, name of Angeline Cherish.

Weary body home, eyes to a surprising scene.

Wife and mother on bed, daughter in arms for him to see.

Now I remember this was just a dream.

There is way this is meant for me.

My chances of conceiving now are low. (And happily so)

But by the time the day arises,

I will give birth while he is far from home.

It seems the easiest for me.

He will not watch me scream.

He will not see me bleed.

He will know nothing of the pain of the child within me.

He will not hold her.

And I will be alone.

My greatest fear, realized and accounted for.